Promise Me, Be My Everything
by xohearted12
Summary: Because none of it matters without her. You are nothing without her. Steve/Kono


_Hi, guys! Okay, so, I cannot even begin to explain to you how long this one has been sitting on my computer, collecting desk, just waiting to be finished. Let's just say it has been a really long, long time. This idea has been stirring around in my braid for what feels like forever, but took a bit longer than I hoped to complete and it become this massive project that I never intend on it being. _

_Also, I decided that I would write this one in the same way I wrote a previous story titled 'Absence', and since it seemed to be well received there, I figured I would apply it here and see how it went. Only this time it is told from Steve's point of view instead of Kono's. _

_I really, really hope you enjoy this one because I, personally, am particularly proud of the time and effort that went into it. Also, all mistakes are mine, because i'm sure there are going to be a few. Sorry, i'm not perfect, as much as I wish I could be. _

_Thanks again for everything, all of your feedback really pushes me to write, so, yeah, please enjoy! _

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_pairing: _steve mcgarrett/kono kalakaua

_show: _hawaii five-0

_genre: _romance/drama

_disclaimer:_ not mine, sadly.

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_take words out of my mouth just from breathing._

The first time you meet her, she is wearing nothing more than a small bikini that hardly covers anything at all. Her hair, wet and wavy, is cut to her collarbone and you can't help but notice that she is in fact an expert surfer, just like her cousin had explained, watching as she glides across the waves with such ease that you cannot bring yourself to avert your eyes.

She paddles, successfully manages to stand and levels her weight, but eventually falls, getting swept up under the waves after colliding with another surfer. It isn't until she has resurfaced from beneath the water, swam back to shore, and knocked a guy double her size down with a solid punch (quite impressive if you do say so yourself) that she finally notices her cousin's presence, the man standing directly to your right.

The two hug as if they had not seen each other in years before you find yourself shaking her small, slender hand while the other rests on her hip.

"Kono, meet Commander Steve McGarrett and Detective Danny Williams."

You do your best to hide the look you take at her body behind your aviators (but really can't be sure she missed the action) before complimenting her. "Nice right cross."

"Nah, man." She smirks then, speaking in the most casual tone you have ever heard, lets go of your hand, and drops it to her side. "That was a love tap."

It's in that moment that you know you will have absolutely no problem getting along with this woman and that she was most definitely going to be trouble.

.

_i just want to know you better now. _

It takes a bit of time, but eventually each one of you settles into your roles within the team.

You have established yourself as the leader, using your years of experience in the Navy to take charge.

Danny, your useful, yet annoying, partner, has somehow taken on the role of your mother, even though you already have one of those (one that has long since stopped her parenting).

Chin, recognizing the chaos that is the world, becomes the brains. In every situation, he is able to think rationally (a strength you do not possess, or so you have been told) in order to do what needs to be done. The partnership and mentorship he shared and received from your father (also dead) is apparent from the very first day. The lessons he instilled in you as a young boy - honesty, courage, and loyalty - are all some of this man's greatest qualities. You are honored to have him as a teammate.

And while you have the rest of them figured out, you still find yourself struggling to decipher where Kono fits into your life.

…

It's late on a Friday night when the conversation happens, the one that changes everything. It turns everything on its axis and nothing is ever the same.

You are sitting at your desk, leaning back in the chair while playing with a pen that has been empty for hours. That's when she decides to walk into your office, shoving a beer in your direction. At first, you're surprised by the offer, but ultimately decide that it couldn't hurt.

Silently and without asking, she sits down in one of the other chairs, opens her beer, and drinks half it before either one of you talks.

"You know, you can go home if you'd like. Go have a nice night or something." Obviously, that sentence did not come out the way you had liked, but what else were you supposed to say. It wasn't that you didn't enjoy her company because you did, you just really wished to be alone.

You want her to go out and enjoy herself because, well, you couldn't. She is still young enough to enjoy her life, go out with friends and dance until it hurt simply because she could, nothing had ruined her yet.

If you were to be honest with yourself, you would admit that you have not been able to do exactly that in a long while, mostly because of the fact both of your parents are long dead, buried into the ground, your sister is more of a distant friend than a sibling, and you feel older than you should.

It's starting to get to you, all at once, and it feels like you may be drowning.

"You can't run forever, Steve." Her words pull you out of the daze you had been stuck in before your eyes lock with hers. "We all have our issues. So, you don't get to run. It doesn't solve anything."

And that was it, with a shrug and small nod, she stood and left the office.

It is the first time that she truly understands, like no one ever has before. She has only been your teammate for a few months, but she knows.

You are running (had been for a while actually) from your problems and fears and relationships, keeping everything and everyone far enough away because it's just easier that way. Everything in your life has remained unresolved, sitting in the pit of his stomach or in a pile in your brain, never to be acknowledged again.

You're running and growing damn tired of it.

There is an unbreakable bond, an unspoken agreement, a connection, if you will, after that.

…

You go out for drinks after a long day when she decides that she wants to know every little minuet detail about you and your life.

"Tell me about your sister." You don't ever remember mentioning Mary to her, but the subject still comes up.

Hoping to give yourself a bit more time to think, you lift your beer bottle to the edge of your lips, and chug down a huge portion of what's remaining. "Uh, she's a lot like you actually. Pretty. Smart." You notice a slight smile begin to appear on her face, that is until you continue. "Stubborn. Reckless."

"Okay, that's enough!" She protests and you smirk. "I'd love to meet her someday, sounds like a cool girl."

"Yeah, she is."

You try not to make it obvious, but you're really not in the mood to talk about this anymore, and somehow she picks up on that, aware of your very complicated family issues.

.

_now that we're lonely, now that there's nowhere to go._

The team suffers a rough loss a week or so after that conversation in his office, but instead of drinking the guilt away with too much beer and not enough words, Kono invites you to go surfing.

Without much hesitation, you decide to take her up on her offer, which is why two days later, you are both sitting on surfboards in the middle of the wide, blue ocean that appears endless past the horizon, feet dangling beneath the surface. She is beside you, wearing nothing but a bikini similar to the one she wore on the day you had met her. Her hair is soaked, strands sticking to the beads of sweat on her arms and her back, but you try not to make it look like you are looking.

That's not why you're out here. You are friends with this woman. Nothing more. Or maybe it is more, you've never really stopped to think about it.

Her body is rising and falling as she inhales before an exhale of breath follows.

Inhale.

Exhale.

In and out. Nothing more than that.

It's the only sound being made between the two of you - aside from the other occupants in the water and the movement of the water, of course - but it didn't matter. It was not weird to sit beside her in the ocean, thinking about nothing, just simply existing. You're not sure why, but you think that she is not the worst person to exist with.

Then, at some point, you are not sure when, she turns to you and says: "If you ever need a place to run to, you should come out here. At least there's plenty of space." A smirk follows as well as a shrug, and you're not sure whether it was meant a joke or not, but before you can ask, she has already turned away, paddling her way back to shore.

.

_destroy the middle, it's a waste of time. _

Sometime between your sixth and seventh months of working together, the relationship escalates.

Drinks became more frequent while actual conversations all but disappeared. Instead, the majority of the time you are in her presence now, it is spent shoving your tongue down her throat, desperate and hungry to feel her hot body against your own, looking within her soul for the pieces of yourself you have lost along the way. It's the first time you notice her scent, in the midst of one of your make out session that you realize she smells like the ocean, gun smoke, and coconut. While it may sound like an odd combination to most, it is so signature to her - to your Kono - that you don't really give a damn.

…

The first time you sleep together, while passionate and incredible, it goes unspoken for much longer than it should.

The scratches on your back, left behind from her fingernails digging into your skin, remain for days after, and you know for a fact that she has a bite mark on the side of her neck that she attempts to hide with makeup and her hair, but neither mention it. She is not willing to face the fact that she has gone and broken her number one rule (to never sleep with a superior) while you're just not ready to admit that you have already fallen in love with her.

…

Eventually, she moves into your place, bringing all of her stuff along with her, taking up space in your home and in your heart.

Her baggage comes along, too, but not to your surprise, it is a much lighter load than the one you carry.

.

_hold your body, hold your body strong in these winds that blind._

The sound of your name being called by her voice is the last thing you hear before you are being thrown backwards by the explosion, your head making contact with the solid floor causing the world to turn black.

A little while later - although, you're not sure of how long it's been exactly - you open your eyes, revealing the chaos taking place around you.

There is a thick layer of ash covering the ground beneath your body, sirens can be heard in the distance, people are shouting, and you are pretty sure you hear a gunshot. Your heart jumps into your throat at the sound and almost instantaneously, you are on your feet, running through through the debris left behind, looking around for any clue of her, knowing that she had been here before.

…

Everything is spinning around you and the lights are blinding and the agonizing pain growing in your head is making a task as simple as standing incredibly difficult. Everything inside you is telling you to slow down, but you cannot allow yourself to listen. You have to find her. There is simply no other choice in the matter.

Somewhere in the distance, you can hear a person's heavy breathing ringing in your ears as they cough violently as if their throat is filled with blood, preventing them from taking in the air they so obviously desire.

You are mortified to learn, only a few moments later, that this person is Kono, hanging on to the only ounce of strength she has left.

…

"WHY WEREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR VEST?!" You are screaming and shouting because you are so goddamn angry at her for putting you in this situation.

You are angry that she is going to bleed out right here on the ground, that you are going to be the one to feel her final breath beneath your shaky hands as they try to keep all of the blood (so much blood) she is losing inside her frail, broken body. It is rising to her skin, running out, and turning a deep red color so quickly you can't keep up. It's everywhere, her blood. It's running down the side of her mouth, out of the gunshot wound in her abdomen, onto your hands staining them to a color you will never be able to wash away.

Each time you push down on her stomach to try and contain the bleeding, she groans from the pain, coughs a whole lot, and whispers that she doesn't want to die. "I…I, I didn't put it on. It happened so…I never got, got the chance to." Her words come out in between her short, shallow breaths, and you can see it in her eyes that she is as terrified as you are.

"Okay. You're okay. Everything is going to be okay." You try to sound as convincing as you can, but her eyes are closing now and her body is growing still.

…

She narrowly survives that one, dying once in your arms, twice in the ambulance, and one more, final, time during her stay in the hospital.

And with each stop of her heart, you feel your own seize to beat in your chest.

Because none of it matters without her.

You are nothing without her.

.

_you sacrifice so much of your life, in order for this to work._

Catherine comes into town for a week or so and while you are ncredibly happy with your girlfriend - happier than you ever could have imagined you would be - you do have to admit that you've missed her.

It's not even all of the sex you used to have or the company she provided that you've missed, it's simply because she is your friend. She has always been your friend and you could always use more of those.

…

The sun is beating down on your back as you sit outside headquarters, talking to Catherine. Most of the conversation is made up of trying to discover how the other is doing. She has received a promotion since the last time you've seen her and you are genuinely happy for her. In return, you tell her that you are in a relationship - a real relationship, one in which is made up of commitments and promises of forevers.

"How serious is it?" She wonders while looking over her shoulder to meet your eyes.

Pretty serious, you tell her, because it is.

A few seconds pass where she is silent, like she is thinking about something, before she says: "That's good. I'm glad you're happy." Her voice is soft and low, only loud enough for you to hear. "We both know that what we had was never anything real. It was just a lot of sex because you were broken, but you seem better now." She rests her hand in between your shoulder blades, moving it back and forth before smiling and standing from her previous sitting position.

It's once you are sitting alone that you nod to yourself because she's right, in every sense of the word.

.

_funny how distance and time, they don't change at all._

Her finger absentmindedly traces the tattooed skin of your right bicep as she lies in your bed beside you. "I don't want you to go." The words escape in a whisper while her hot breath is blown onto your neck.

Just that morning, you had informed her that the Navy called, requesting your service for an upcoming mission. She wants to know all of the details, when, where, why, but none of your answers will ever provide her with any sense of relief.

She doesn't want you to leave and while you want so badly to tell her that you don't want to go, either, you cannot. Being a SEAL is who you are and you know that she understands when she says: "Your duty is to protect your country and I wouldn't love you if it were any other way."

But, at the same time, you are silently praying that you will get the chance to return to her once it is all said and done.

…

After spending every possible second together, you report to the airport on Monday, dressed in your uniform. She drives you there, holding the steering wheel with a death grip the whole way while doing her best to hold in the tears you can see forming.

As you are sitting in the terminal, waiting for your plane, she sits beside you in one of the chairs and rests her head on your shoulder. You interpret the action as an unspoken goodbye, full of every word she is not able to utter. It's a silent "I love you, be careful, and, please, come back home."

.

_you've got your demons and darling they all look like me. _

You lie about something so stupid and pointless that you wouldn't even be able to remember what it was if asked. But, somehow, it becomes one huge string of explosive fights, all filled with accusations and hidden feelings and a lot of desperate sex that you both hope will fix your problems, not just the ones you share with each other, but also the ones that continue to haunt your dreams and the ones you know she struggles with.

It's the first time since knowing her that either one of you have gone days without speaking to the other and you absolutely despise the feeling. Without her, your house is much too quiet and empty, but really, it's probably just you that's empty.

Which is why you simply cannot afford to fight with her...because you have slowly (you're not entirely sure of what took you so long) begun to realize that she has given you everything. She has given you a home, or rather, she has become your home, with her tan skin and goofy dimple, she is everything you never knew you needed.

But just as you have made yourself vulnerable enough to be ready to make her aware of all this, she tells you that she is pregnant, screams it rather, shocking you into silence, leaving you unsure of what to say or what you want or why you were even fighting at all.

…

Then again, it never really mattered what you wanted because a week later she is at your doorstep, her nose red and her eyes tearing, telling you that she lost it, the baby, you assume. You invite her inside, but for a long stretch of time she doesn't want to talk about it (neither do you, to be fair, but you can't go on feeling this helpless). Instead, she stares up at the sky and studies the way it looks. She does that for hours, just watching the stars and the moon float above her head, probably wondering what she had ever done to deserve what she had gotten. You, a man who would never, ever deserve the person she is, a job that had already taken several years off her life, and a dead baby.

Later on, her head is resting in your lap and your hands are resting in her messy hair, leaning down every so often to kiss her forehead as she whispers into the cold air about how unfair it all is. At some point, her fingers start to draw small circles around a scar on your arm and her breathing grows heavier and heavier until, finally, the sobs begin. You believe that it may just be the most painful you will ever be forced to listen to, but you allow her the chance to want the baby neither one of you will get to love because you don't understand, because you cannot even begin to explain, but mainly because you have no idea how to not want what has been taken from you both.

Eventually, her face is pressed into your throat as her sobs die down. Her body is close enough to yours for you to be able to feel her pulse on your skin and the shaking of her hands.

You aren't sure when it happens, but soon you find yourself starting to pray that she will fall asleep soon because you can't take this. It's all just too much. If you hadn't been trained in being able to keep your personal emotions in a separate part of your being, you probably would have curled up into a ball right beside her.

Let's just say it took you both a long while to recover from that one.

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_all i am is the bones you made for me _

Marriage. It has always seemed like such a foreign idea to you before her.

Never something you wanted. Never something you thought about.

But, then again, a lot of things have changed since she came along.

The whole idea of committing your entire life to another human being, trusting them with everything you are, sounds like the most terrifying thing ever and it scares the shit out of you, mainly because of the darkness that has always existed within you. Very early on, and much early then most, it took you in, the darkness. It kidnapped you as a boy, pulled you in, forcing you to gasp for air. You fought back, but at some, you realized that you were fighting in vain and that it would win. Without a doubt in your head you knew that it would win. It always wins, so you stopped fighting, and until her, you were barely hanging on, barely breathing.

But to your complete shock and utter amazement, she taught you how to fight and how to find something or someone that matters enough for you to love this life.

So, as crazy as it seems, you'd much rather be scared shitless by the prospects of marriage than have to live this life without her.

...

Which is why you find yourself buying a diamond engagement ring two days later after you realize there is never going to be anyone else. She is the only woman you would ever want to have a family with, to have kids with, to share a life with.

She is your present and represents everything you hope the future has in store for you both (the pain of the past is not something you wish to remember, something that does not matter anymore, not when you have so much to look forward to).

…

For whatever reason, you choose to bring Danny along when you buy the ring, well, because he's your best friend and you trust his opinion more than you'd ever be willing to admit.

For a majority of the day, he decides to sport his biggest grin, talking about how he never imagined you were the marrying type (and you want to tell him that you didn't either). He goes on and on about how great marriage can be, aside from the times you find yourself at your spouses throat, more than ready to either walk out and give up or suck it up and stick around just because you love the person that damn much (you're not sure if that one is meant to scare you or not, but it doesn't sound much different from the relationship you have now, so you aren't that worried). Being with her has not been a walk in the park, not by any means. There have been several times where you had been more than ready to give up, but knowing that there is not anyone else on this planet that you would rather spend your days fight with is the reason why you stuck around.

Though, you still often wonder why she ever did the same.

…

The next day, after work and well into the evening, there is a lump in your throat, a pit at the bottom of your stomach, and a ring burning a hole in your pocket. You're sitting near the water, watching the waves roll back and forth by your feet when you hear movement from behind you. She takes the place beside you, squeezes your arm as she sits, and you know you have to do it now.

It's the perfect moment - at least you hope it is - by the ocean, a place that is considered a second home to the woman you hope to marry.

"Do you remember that time we went surfing together? After the Davis case?"

"Yeah." Her head is resting on your shoulder.

"You brought me out here. Do you remember what you said?" You're hoping and praying that she does.

She lifts her head quickly, thinks for a moment, then responds, "Um, yeah. I told you that the ocean was a good place to get lost in."

You nod your head and swallow deeply as the nerves in your stomach refuse to quit, making you feel as if you could vomit. "Well, I'm not lost anymore." You tell her, but she doesn't understand what you mean if the furrow of her brow is any clue at all.

"Steve, what's going on?" She questions, confusion evident in her voice.

Instead of going into some long, cheesy speech that you would surely ruin, you placed your hand into your pocket and placed the small, velvet box in her awaiting palms. Upon realizing what is contained inside, she gasps. "You want to marry me?" You wondered what gave it away. "Why? Steve, are you sure? I mean, I'm really messy." She stutters while looking back and forth between your face and the box in her hands, so dumbstruck by the sudden change of events.

"I know that."

"And I eat a lot of junk food." She reasons while frantically tucking a loose strand of hair behind her right ear.

"I know that, too." And you did.

From the day you met her, she had always been a messy person, probably the messiest girl you have ever known, and sure, she ate way too much crappy food for her to still be the size she is, but she is also the woman that is able to wake up in the morning, accept your flaws (god only knows there are an endless amount) and love you anyway. You will just have to learn to overlook her few imperfections.

"I drive you crazy."

You shrug your shoulders because you don't really care about that, but are beginning to wonder whether she does.

"Okay, then." A sigh leaves her lips and she takes a second to catch her breath, and you swear it was the longest pause of your life. "I want to marry you, too."

.

_may I find you, may we sit together when we're gray and old, on cloud nine._

Knowing that you are far too messed up to ever hope to emotional fulfill a woman in a relationship, let alone a marriage, your heart begins to race in your chest as you play with your hands while pacing up and down the footsteps of Honolulu's City Hall building. Your fingers anxiously tug at the tie wrapped around the collar of your dress shirt because it's just simply too tight, too restricting to ever be considered comfortable. You feel the need to loosen it, but do not because of the simple fear that your shaky hands will not be able to tie it correctly if she does ever decide to show.

Your palms are sweaty as you rub them together, hoping to calm the nerves that refuse to settle in your stomach, and your throat is on fire, hot puffs of air burning as they make their way down. The watch on your left wrist begins to feel heavier by the second, but do your best to avoid checking the time.

It amazes you that you could possibly be this nervous. Being put in the middle of some of the most dangerous missions and situations on the planet, no big deal, but put in a room, standing across from the woman he will promise to love and be committed to forever, and he's about halfway ready to vomit.

And then, suddenly, without a warning, someone taps you on the shoulder, forcing you to turn on your heel and almost all at once, the uncertainties you were plagued with only moments before have vanished because Kono is now standing before you, dressed in a wedding dress, her hair curled at the bottoms, and she is wearing one of the most genuine smiles you have ever seen. You are amazed by her beauty, by the fact that she has chosen you to spend the entirety of her life with, but more importantly, by the idea that, somehow, you deserve this, her. It just doesn't seem real.

"So, you ready to get married?" She asks so sweetly that you want to melt. Her warm palm finds its place on the side of your neck as if that is where it had always belonged and the pad of her thumb is stroking your skin in a comforting gesture, magically erasing every bit of tension building and growing in your chest.

Soon, her fingers tangle in the ends of your hair and you nod, take her around the waist and lead her up the steps. Her eyes are filled with such a light and hope that it would have been impossible for you to say no…

...because this is the beginning of everything you were ever meant to be.

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_So, what'd you think? I know it's long and a lot to take in, but I hope you liked it because I am very proud of it. _

_Although, i'm not gonna lie, I was extremely nervous about writing this one from Steve's point of view, worried that I would make him sound too weak and sappy, so unlike the character he really ease. I can only pray that it didn't come across that way and did him justice. I'm dying to know. Oh, and also, I am very much aware that Chin and Danny are pretty much nonexistent in this one, but that done on purpose in a way. This was very much a Steve and Kono story and in wanting the evolution of their relationship to take center stage I chose to leave them out through most of it. I am sorry, though, if you missed those two. I'll try better next time, promise. _

_Again, thanks so much for reading, I really hope you enjoyed it, and as always, your feedback and reviews are always welcome, I am always open to new ideas and criticisms. For anyone that does review, I would really love to know what your favorite moment was. Thanks! _

_And for anyone that lives in America and is in the direct path of Hurricane Sandy, please stay safe. I know i'm going to the same, this being the only one Jersey has had in a while. _

_Until next time, I suppose! lol :D _


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